NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



PS 3539 
.U13 D6 



=-v. 3AFiCR'5 Edition 



A DOUBLE DECEPTION 




COPVItlQHT, 1-BSO, BY IMALTeR H, BAKCR A CO. 



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NEW OPERETTAS FOR CHILDREN. 



EDITH'S DREAM. 

^n ©pmtta for CJjiltrrnt. 

Words by MARGARET FEZANDIE and EDGAR MORETTE. 
Music by EUGENE FEZANDIE, Jr. 



Eleven characters,. girls and boys, or all girls, as preferred ; ten or more addi- 
tional for cborns. Scenery luinecessarv ; costumes, pretty and fanciful, but 
easily arranged at home. This admirable little piece is printed complete witli 
music. It is very tuneful and gracefully imagined, and is strongly recommended 
for private tbeatricals or for schools. It is particularly well suited for the latter 
nse, as it deals wbimsically with the question of youthful study, inculcating, 
boM'ever, an excellent moral. 



Price 



35 cents. 



ODD OPERASSEVENTIDE 

A Collection of Short and Simple Musical 
Entertainments for Children. 

By MRS. G. N. BORDMAN. 



This collection provides a simple operetta, a fairy opera, a picturesque motion 
song, a quaint musical pantomime, a pretty musicAl sketch, and two original 
buniorous recitations for children, complete, with all the music, and full instruc- 
tions for performance. The music is tuneful and simple, and is specially written 
with the tastes and limitations of children in view. The solos are easily learned 
and sung, and all the choruses are written for voices in unison. The collection 
is strongly recommended for its simplicity and perfect practicability. Neither 
stage nor scenery is demanded, nor any other requirements that cannot be met 
Avitbout trouble by the equipment of the ordinary hall or church vestry, and the 
zeal of the most economical committee of arrangements. 



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Price 



60 cents. 



CONTENTS. 

A Glimpse of the Brownies. 



Musical Sketch for Children, 
number of boys. 



A 

Any 



Market I>ay. An Operetta for Youne 
People. Seven speaking" parte and 
chorus. 

Queen Flora»s Day Dream. An 

Operetta for Children. Six speak- 
ing parts and chorus. 



The Boating Party. A Musical 
Sketch for Little Children. Thirty 
boys and girls. 

Six Little Grandmas. A Musical 
Pantomime for very Little Children. 
Six very little girls. 

Jimmy Crow. A Recitation for a 
Little GirU 

A House in the Moon. A Recita- 
tion for a Child. 






A Double Deception 



'.\ 



A Comedy in One Act 



By ARTHUR LEWIS TUBES 

Author of " Cowslip Farm,'' " The Fruit of His Folly;' " The 

Heart of a Hero," " The Finger of Scorn," " A 

Scheme that Failed," " Dinner at Siy," etc. 



BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER &'C0 

1901 



n 



77633 



A Double Deceptte 



CHARACTERS 



Archibald Shillingsworth. 
Marcus Dill. 
LuciLLA, Archibald' s wife. 
Penelope Shadrach, his aunt 
Mrs. Bunn, the housekeeper. 

Time in playing, about forty-five minu 



■ary of Congre:*^. * 

Two Copies Receivfo I 
NOV 19 1900 I 

SECOND COPY 

Odivwed to 

ORDER DIVISION 

^!ilQLJ22_19i}0- 



COSTUMES 

Archibald. — Light summer suit ; straw hat when he goes out. 

Dill. — Riding costume ; top boots, etc. 

LuciLLA. — Pretty, light summer morning dress. Hat for 
first exit. 

Penelope. — Handsome traveling dress; quick change to 
attire of an old maid. (The performer may use her own 
judgment in making up for this part. She should, however, 
appear domineering and strong-minded, rather than too ridic- 
ulous.) Another quick change to first dress, or some other 
becoming costume. 

Mrs. Bunn. — Plain dress, white apron. 



Letters and 
Lucilla. Bell on table 



PROPERTIES 

papers. Satchel, bundles, 



etc. Letter for 




Copyright, 1900, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 



A Double Deception, 



SCENE. — The cozy sitting-room of the Shillingsworths' coun- 
try residence. It is August. As the curtain rises, the doorbell 
rings ; thefi Mrs. Bunn crosses from r. to c. d. and exits 
to L. ; after pause, reenters, followed by Marcus Dill. 

Mrs. Bunn. Master and missus are at breakfast, sir, but 
they won't be long now. 

Marcus. Very well, then, I will wait. It is nothing impor- 
tant. I only wanted to say ''Good-morning," and give Mr. 
Shillingsvvorth his mail. By the way, you might take it in to 
him, Mrs. Bunn. Just tell him that as I was riding by the 
post office, I thought I'd bring it along. 

(^Hafids her letters and papers.) 

Mrs. B. Yes, sir, and thank you kindly for your trouble, 
sir. \^Exit r. ivith mail. 

Mar. {looks at his watcJi). After ten o'clock, and still at 
breakfast. I cannot understand such laziness, especially this 
fine weather. Ah ! perhaps it means that they had another — 
er — disagreement, last night, and sat up late arguing the ques- 
tion, and 

Enter Mrs. Bunn, r. 

Mrs. B. Mr. Shillingsworth says he will be right out, sir. 
Mar. Thank you, Mrs. Bunn. \^E'xit Mrs. Bunn, l. 

(Dill ivalks about carelessly, goes up and looks off c, etc., 
until Archibald Shillingsworth enters r.) 

Archibald. Ah, good-morning, Dill. Aren't you an early 
bird? 

{Has papers, which he lays on table.) 

Mar. Say, rather, aren't you a late one? {They shake 
hands.) 

3 



4 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 

Arch. Well, yes, maybe. You see, I — that is, we — didn't 
get to bed, or to sleep, I should say, very early last night — or 
this morning, rather. 

Mar. You should say, rather, that is, maybe. So ! You 
had something to talk over, eh? Something — excuse me, it's 
none of my business. 

Arch. M'm — maybe it isn't, but I'll tell you something. 
You see — well, hang it all. Dill, you know how it is with 
Lucilla and me. Don't you ? 

Mar. Why, of course I know that you are a young couple, 
very much in love, who have been married only about six 
months, and that you are extremely happy and so on. That's 
considerable to know, isn't it? 

Arch. But that isn't all. You also know that sometimes 
we have little — what do you call 'em? — spats. No, not spats, 
just little disagreements. You've known me long enough, 
Dill, to know that I am of a quiet, peaceful disposition. 
Haven't you ? 

Mar. Yes, I guess I have. I can't recall that I have ever 
found you otherwise. 

Arch. Well, then you \\\\\ believe me when I tell you that 
it isn't my fault — not all my fault, anyway — I'm willing to 
bear my share of it ; but I do say that I think Lucilla — (Jook- 
i)ig R. , cautiously) sh ! she might hear. 

Mar. ''Sh!" yourself, then. I'm not saying anything. 
What are you driving at, anyway? 

Arch. I'll tell you. {Goes and looks off ^., then comes 
back, and he and Dill sit, one r. c. , the other c. ) What made 
you send my letters in by Mrs. Bunn ? How did you happen 
to bring them, anyway ? 

Mar. Why, I was out for my morning horseback ride, and 
as I was coming right by the post office, and in this direction, 
I thought it would accommodate you if I brought your letters 
over; that's all. Didn't you want them? 

Arch. Why, y-yes, I suppose so, and I am much obliged 
to you, I am sure ; but I do wish you hadn't sent them in to 
me as you did. 

Mar. But why ? 

Arch. Well, there's one I didn't want my wife to see, and 
of course I had to let her see it. She's reading it now. 

Mar. See here, Archibald Shillingsworth 

Arch. And see here, Marcus Dill, don't you lecture. I 
don't want your advice, I want your help. 



A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 5 

Mar. Helj) ? Explain. 

Arch. I will. You know, I just started to tell you that my 
wife and I had a sort of a disagreement last night ? Well, 
that letter has upset all the good effects of the talk I gave her 
and defeated me just as I thought victory was in sight. 

Mar. I don't understand. 

Arch. Of course you don't, yet. Wait till I tell you. It's 
all about my Aunt Penelope. 

Mar. Who is she ? 

Arch. Aunt P.enelope Shadrach, my mother's sister. Isn't 
that a name for you ? Penelope Shadrach. Shadrach was my 
mother's maiden name, you know. 

Mar. I understand. Well, what about your Aunt Penel- 
ope Shadrach ? 

Arch. She is coming here, to stay. My wife says she 
shan't, and I say she shall, and there we stand. We didn't ex- 
pect her for a month yet, and I spent half the night talking 
Lucilla into a peaceable frame of mind, by telling her that lots 
of things might happen in a month, and so forth, and now you 
bring us a letter saying that Aunt Penelope will be here to-day— 
this very morning— this hour, maybe ; and Lucilla is in an up- 
roar again. I wouldn't have had her see that letter for five 
dollars — fen. 

Mar. I don't see why not. I should think you would 
rather be prepared, seeing she is really coming, and so soon. 

Arch. Nothing of the sort. {He has risen.) It would 
have been ten times better for Lucilla to be taken by* surprise, 
then perhaps, when she saw Aunt Penelope, she would melt 
and treat her cordially. But ?iow Oh, dear ! 

Mar. I don't see as matters are in such a terrible state. It 
doesn't seem so very alarming to me. At any rate, I don't see 
how I am going to be of any assistance to you. (J^ises.) I 
think I would better be going. 

Arch, (detainijig him). Oh, no ! I want you to go to the 
station and meet Aunt Penelope. 

Mar. Meet — man alive, I never saw your Aunt Penelope. 
I can't go and meet her. 

Arch. Oh, yes, you can. You've got to. And while 
you're gone, I will do the best I can to pacify Lucilla and get 
her to welcome Aunt Penelope in a becoming manner. You'll 
find her easily enough. Probably there won't another woman 
get off the train at this time of day, so you grab the first one 
you see, 



6 A DOUBLE DF.CEPTION. 

Mar. And how shall I bring her here — on horseback ? 

Arch. No, of course not. Just hitch your horse to our 
phaeton. You see, I depend upon you because our man is out 
in the field, haying, and under the circumstances I can't go. 
So come on. (^Urging Dill toward c. d.) 

jNIar. {as they go out'). But I don't want to meet your 
Aunt Penelope, I {They are outside?) 

Arch. But I want you to, and 

\Their voices die away c. to l., as Luch.la enters r., goes 
to c. D. and looks after them. She has a letter, at which 
she occasionally glances ; finally comes down afid rings 
bell vigorously. After a brief pause, Mrs. Bunn en- 
ters l.) 

LuciLLA. Mrs. Bunn, where did ^Ir. Dill and Mr. Shillings- 
worth go? 

Mrs. B. To the stable, I believe, ma'am. 

Luc. Do you know what for ? 

Mrs. B. N-no, ma'am. 

Luc. If you do, you tell me. Didn't you overhear any- 
thing that they said ? 

Mrs. B. I didn't hear so very much, ma'am ; only some- 
thing about the 10:20 train, and the phaeton, and Aunt Some- 
body or something. 

Luc. And that's enough. I understand perfectly. He 
expects •that old maid here on the 10:20 train, and he has sent 
Marcus Dill to meet her. He thinks I'll have to have her here, 
if she once arrives. We'll see. That is all, Mrs. Bunn ; you 
may go. 

(^;c// Mrs. Bunn l., as Archibald enters c. D.frojn l.) 

Arch. Lu cilia. 

Luc. Oh, it's you, is it? So you have sent your friend, 
Marcus Dill, to meet your Aunt Penelope, have you? 

Arch. Why, how did you know? 

Luc. How did I know ? Do you think I am deaf and dumb 
and blind? (Shaking letter in his face.) Doesn't this letter 
say that she will be here at twenty minutes past ten, and don't 
I know that it is after half-past now ? Well, let her come. I 
won't be here to meet her. 

Arch. Why, Lucilla, where are you going? 

Luc. I don't know, I don't care. You think more of your 



A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 7 

Aunt Penelope than you do of me. I think it's dreadful ! 

{Weeps.) 

Arch. Now, Lucilla, don't r;^ / You 

Luc. I will cry \ You make me. I don't see how you 

can treat me so — bring your horrid old aunt here to interfere, 

and break up our happy home and everything. Oh, how can 

you do it? 

Arch. See here, Lucilla, you're unreasonable 

Luc. It's not unreasonable for me to want to protect our 

home against the invasions of an old maid named Penelope 

Shadrach ! It's unreasonable of you to expect me to submit to 

it. And I won't ! I won't ! 

{She starts to exit r., hut he detains her.) 

Arch. Where are you going ? What. are you going to do? 

Luc. I'm going for a walk ; I'm going to calm myself, and 
then I am coming back here and face your Aunt Penelope 
Shadrach and tell her what's what. Thaf s where I'm going— 
thafs what I'm going to do ! Do you understand, Archibald 
Shillingsworth — do you ? 

Arch. . No, I don't, nor you either. You don't know what 
you are talking about. 

Luc. Oh, I don't? You let me pass. I'm not going to 
stay here another minute. 

{She is trying to push past him, ivhen Mrs. Bunn enters c. 
D. L., with a satchel, one or tivo boxes, an umbrella, etc.) 

Mrs. B. There's a lady out here, ma'am. 
{They pause and look at her.) 

Luc. A lady? 

Mrs. B. Yes, ma'am. She says her name is Miss Penel- 



ope 

Luc. Shadrach ! So she has arrived, has she? Very well. 
{She starts to exit r., but Archibald bars her way.) Let me 
go! 

Arch. But Lucilla, my dear ! 

Luc. I said I wouldn't meet her, and I won't ! 

Arch. But you must. 

Luc. But I won't ! {She escapes him and runs off R.) 

Arch. Well, here's a pretty go. When did she arrive, 



8 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 

Mrs. Bunn, and how did it happen? Dill can't be half way 
to the station yet. 

Mrs. B. She came in a hack. These are her things. 
What shall I do with them ? 

Arch. I don't know. Anything. Put them down there 
somewhere. Great Scott ! I didn't expect her yet. 

Mrs. B. {who has s tainted to go out l., looki7ig off c. d.). 
Here she comes now, sir. 

(Mrs, Bunn stands aside as Penelope Shadrach enters c. 
D., fr'oni L. She is a bright, pretty young lady, about 
eighteen years old, stylishly dressed.) 

Arch. Penelope ! 
Pen. Archibald ! 

{He is about to kiss her, then desists aivkwardly and shakes 
her hand instead. ) 

Arch. Well, well, so it's really you ! I almost kissed you. 

Pen. And why not ? Guess you have a right to kiss your 
auntie, haven't you ? 

Arch. M'm— I should think so. Well, then, au7itie, 
{kisses her lightly') there you are. 

Pen. That's an awfully stingy kiss. But I suppose you 
have to keep the best ones for your wife. By the way, where 
is your wife ? 

Arch. Oh, she's about somewhere. You see, we didn't 
expect you just yet, and— Mrs. Bunn, take Miss Shadrach's 
things to her room. 

Mrs. B. Yes, sir ; but which is her room ? 

Arch. I don't know — any old room ! No, I mean — you 
know, the room she always has 

Pen. Why, I was never here before. 

Arch. Yes, I know. I didn't mean that, I meant— I don't 
know what I meant, but Mrs. Bunn ought to know. Take 
them to soi7ie room, Mrs. Bunn, and let it go at that. 

Mrs. B. Very well, sir. {^Exit \..,with tJmigs. 

Arch. And now tell me how you happened to arrive so un- 
expectedly. 

Pen. Unexpectedly? Why, didn't you get my letter? 

Arch. Letter? Oh, yes, so I did. To be sure. Yes. 
Why, you said you would be here at ten-twenty, didn't you ? 
Yes, I sent Marcus Dill to meet you. 



A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 9 

Pen. Marcus Dill ? Who is he — your coachman ? 

Arch. Goodness, no ! He's a friend of mine — a rich 
bachelor. He lives a mile or so beyond here. He just hap- 
pened over, brought your letter, in fact ; and, as I couldn't go 
to meet you, I sent him. But I guess he missed you. 

Pen. I guess he did. There was nobody to meet me, so I 
took the only hack in sight and came that way. 

Arch. You must have traveled all night to get here so 
early. 

Pen. I did, and I'm tired to death and half starved, and 
as dirty as a ragamuffin. {Brushing her dress.) My ! but 
your roads are dusty. 

Arch. Pll call Mrs. Bunn and have her show you to your 
room. 

Pen. I wish you would ; and while you are doing it I will 
sit down and rest a minute. {Sits.) I suppose your wife is 
just dying to see what I look like ? 

Arch. 0-oh, y-yes — of course. 

Pen. It's so strange we never met, isn't it? But I was 
abroad when you were married, and have been home such a 
short time. I- was so glad to come here, you know, and of 
course I knew you were anxious to have me. It must be lone- 
some here in this country place. 

Arch. M'm — yes, ratlier. Sometimes. But then we enjoy 
it. This is only our sunmier home, you see. We go back 
into town in the fall. 

Pen. Oh, I see. I presume you have told your wife — 
Lucilla, I mean — all about me — how I look and all ? 

Arch. Well, no, not exactly. I never thought to until 
your letter came this morning, and since then I haven't had 
time. 

Pen. Wliy, I should think you would have told her every- 
thing you could about me. 

Arch. N-no, I was kind of putting it off — I mean, I 

Pen. Oh, I suppose you wanted to let me surprise her. 
How jolly ! 

Arch. Yes, isn't it? She thinks you're a crabbed, 
dried-up, meddling old maid 

Pen. {jumping up). What! 

Arch. Yes. She imagines you want to run the house and 

boss her around and usurp her place, and Oh, a few other 

pleasant things like that. {He laughs.) 

Pen. And you didn't contradict her? 



lO A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 

Arch. I didn't get a chance. She said she wouldn't meet 
you and ran away somewhere. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Pen. What's so funny about it ? I think it is dreadful, 
after I expected such a warm welcome and all. {About to 
weep.') I shall go right away again. 

Arch. Oh, no, you won't ! Don't you see how it is ? 
Lucilla has deceived herself, and when she sees what you really 
are, she will be so relieved and delighted that she will be per- 
fectly happy to have you stay with us always. 

Pen. I hope so, I am sure; but I am a little donblful. 
But I don't intend to stay always, anyway. That was only a 
little joke of mine. Pm going to stay only a few weeks, if I 
do that long. But whatever made Lucilla get it into her head 
that I was old and crabbed and all that ? 

Arch. Your name. Don't you see? It sounds like it. 

Pen. Penelope Shadrach ! That awful name again. 
{Laughing merrily.) I don't wonder she thought so. I shall 
have to change my name, won't I ? 

Arch. Yes, or you will be an old maid in earnest. 

Pen. That's so, but not right away. I have a few years 
grace yet. 

Arch. Well, Pll go and send Mrs. Bunn to you. 
{Starts L.) 

Pen. Yes, do. She'd better look out or I may eat her, 
too. Pm hungry enough to eat a dozen buns. 

[Archibald laughs and exits l. 

Pen. Well, I never ! Mrs. Shillingsworth thought I was a 
wrinkled, dried-up, meddling old maid, who was coming to 
stay with them forever and make their lives miserable, did she? 
I don't wonder she rebelled. I would have done so too. {She 
sits a7id is silent a 7noment, then seems struck by a happy 
thought and laughs out gleefully.) Oh, wouldn't it be fun? 
Pll do it, too, if I can get the things to fix up with. Pll dis- 
guise myself as just such an old maid as Lucilla Shillingsworth 
imagines me to be, and show her what might have been. 

Enter Mrs. Bunn, l. ; Penelope rises and goes to her. 

Pen. Oh, Mrs. Bunn, have you an old dress I could take? 

Mrs. B. An old dress, miss ? 

Pen. Yes, any old thing. And have you another — excuse 
me — false front, beside the one you have on ? 

Mrs. B. {feeling of her fro?it hair). Why, yes, I have 
my best one. But what 



A DOUBLE DECEPTION. tl 

Pen. I want to borrow it and a dress, and a few other 
things. I want to fix up like an old maid. 

Mrs. B. Good land ! What do you want to do that for ? 

Pen. Well, you see, Mrs. Shillingsworth never saw me, and 
she thinks I am an awful old maid, perfectly horrid, and I 
want to make her think I am, at first, and then when she sees 
that I am not, why, she'll be so relieved that she will be glad to 
have me here. Don't you see ? 

Mrs. B. Y-yes, I guess so. But I am afraid she won't 
like it, and 

Pen. Oh, never you mind. You won't have any of the 
blame to bear. It is only for a little joke, anyway, and they 
will all enjoy it. 

Mrs. B. I don't believe you can fix up so as to fool her. 

Pen. Yes, I can. I have taken old maid parts in private 
theatricals lots of times and know just how to do it. It won't 
take me any time, with your help. Come on, let's hurry. 

Mrs. B. Well, if you're sure they won't blame me for it. 

Pen. Of course they won't. I won't let them. i^The 
voices of Archibald and Marcus are heard off c. to l.) 
There comes somebody now. Hurry up ! (Runs off l.) 

Mrs. B. For the land's sake ! I never heard of such fool- 
ishness. \_Exits L. 

Enter Archibald c. d. l., folloived by Marcus. 

Arch. So you didn't see Aunt Penelope, after all? 

Mar. No. That was a Tom fool's errand you sent me on. 
She arrived here ahead of me. 

Arch. Yes, but you didn't get far, did you ? 

Mar. No, I saw the hack come here and knew she must be 
in it, as it was so long after train time. I suppose I will meet 
her this morning. 

Arch. Oh, yes, you must wait. She'll be down soon. I 
tell you what. Dill, she's a ''peach." I expect you'll fall in 
love with her at first sight and take her off our hands. 

Mar. Small danger, I guess. I'm not looking for my fate. 

( They come dow7i and sit. ) 

Arch. No, maybe not ; but fate doesn't have to be looked 
after, you know. And Penelope — well, she's a fate worth meet- 
ing, I can tell you. 

Mar. Describe her to me. 



12 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 

Arch. Ah, see ! you are curious already. But I can't 
describe her — I'm not a poet. However, she is about eighteen, 
and all that a charming girl of that age can be or needs to be. 
You wait. You'll see her in a few minutes. You must stay to 
luncheon with us and get acquainted. 

Mar. Well, I don't see how I can resist the temptation 
to do so, after such an alluring description of your paragon of 
an aunt. 

Arch. Of course you can't. (^Risi/ig a?id looking^.') I 
wonder where Lucilla is. I must go and look her up. 

Mar. Evidently she didn't expect your Aunt Penelope. 

Arch. But evidently she did. That's just why she isn't 
here. 

Mar. It is ? 

Arch. Yes. I know it is very inhospitable of her — worse 
than that. But you see. Dill, it is just as I told you. My wife 
has gotten it into her head that Aunt Penelope is a regular old 
maid — about forty, cross, interfering, bossy, and all that ; con- 
sequently she doesn't want her to come here and has run away 
so as not to be here to meet her. It's awful, I know, but I 
couldn't prevent it. I tried. It will be all right once Lucilla 
sees Aunt Penelope. 

Mar. Why didn't you tell her what your aunt is like? 

Arch. W^ell, I don't know. Somehow, I didn't think, at 
first ; then I was so provoked I thought I would let her go on 
thinking what she pleased and find out the difference for her- 
self. It will serve her right when she does. Don't you 
think so ? 

Mar. Perhaps. But I don't think you have acted very 
wisely. You should have told her, for your aunt's sake, if for 
no other reason. 

Arch. Well, it can't be helped now, and I guess it will 
come out all right. Penelope is too sensible to care. (^Enter 
Mrs. Bunn, l.) Ah, Mrs. Bunn, did you find a room for 
Miss Shadrach? 

Mrs. B. Yes, sir; I put her in the best spare room. I 
thought mebbe you'd want her to have as good as there is. 

Arch. Certainly I do. And have you made her com- 
fortable — given her something to eat, and so forth ? 

Mrs. B. She's all right, sir. I managed to give her all 
she asked for, though I must say 

Arch. Must say what? 

Mrs. B. That — well, that she is easy to please, sir, and it's 



A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 1 3 

a pleasure to do for her. I was looking for Mrs. Shillings- 
worth. Have you seen her ? 

Arch. Not just lately. I am going to look for her. 

Mrs. B. I wanted to ask about the dinner. 

Arch. Oh, don't worry about dinner yet ; we have got to 
have luncheon first. (Mrs. Bunn is about to exit l.) By the 
way, Mrs. Bunn, Mr. Dill is going to stay and lunch with us, 
so set an extra place. Two extra places ; there's Aunt Penel- 
ope. 

Mrs. B. Yes, sir. (^Going.) 

Arch. And — oh, Mrs. Bunn ! 

Mrs. B. Yes, sir. 

Arch. Be sure and set Mr. Dill next to Miss Shadrach. 

Mrs. B. Very well. \^Exit L. 

Mar. How considerate of you. But perhaps the lady will 
object. 

Arch. Oh, no, she won't. Now, Dill, I am going out to 
look for my wife. Can you amuse yourself a few minutes ? 

Mar. (^rising). Certainly. I'll walk out a few minutes or 
read the paper. Don't worry about me. 

Arch. All right. I won't be gone long. 

\_Exit Archibald c. d. r. 

(Marcus takes paper from table r., unfolds it and begins to 
read as he slowly saunters out c. D. to L. He has barely 
disappeared when Lucilla enters r. She wears a hat and 
is somewhat flurried?) 

Luc. I wonder where Archibald is. Dear me, I am 
ashamed of myself, since I come to think it over and have time 
to consider. Perhaps his Aunt Penelope isn't so bad, after all. 
Some old maids are real nice, they say, and, after all, she is 
Archibald's aunt and — well, I suppose mine, too. I ought to 
treat her decently, if nothing more. I don't see where they all 
are. {Goes up and looks off c. to l.) Ah, there is Mr. Dill. 
I will ask him if he knows where Archibald is. (^Calling.) 
Mr. Dill ! Dear me, he's so absorbed in that paper. {Calls, 
louder than before. ) Mr. Dill I ! 

Mar. {without'). Yes. What is it? 

Luc. Won't yon come here a moment, please ? 

Enter Marcus, c. d. l. 
Mar. Did you call me, Mrs. Shillingsworth ? 



14 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 

Luc. Yes. I wanted to ask you if you know where Archi- 
bald is. I cannot find him anywhere. 

Mar. Why," I believe he said something about going to 
look for you. 

Luc. Did he? In which direction ? 

Mar. (^pointing off yl.). That way, toward the grove. 

Luc. Thank you. I'll go and see if I can find him. 
(Starts R., then pauses.) Oh, by the way, Mr. Dill, did you 
find our Aunt Penelope? 

Mar. No, I did not. She came alone, before I had a 
chance to meet her. 

Luc. Then you haven't seen her? 

Mar. No, not yet; but Archibald invited me to stay to 
luncheon and meet her. According to what he says, 
I have a great pleasure in store. He tells me that she is 
charming. 

Luc. Really? Well, I am glad to hear it. No doubt we 
will soon have an opportunity to judge what his conception of 
"charming" is. You know, I haven't seen her either. 

Mar. So I understood. 

Luc. Well, I will go and find Archibald and return just as 
soon as I can. No doubt Aunt Penelope will be down by that 
time. 

Mar. I dare say. (Exit Lucilla, r.) Well ! I w^onder 
what has caused her to change her mind so suddenly. 

(He reads paper and is again going out c. , when Penelope 
speaks loudly off l. He pauses and listens.) 

Pen. (without). Archibald! Archibald Shillingsworth ! 
Where are you ? 

Mar. I wonder who that is. 

Enter Penelope, l. Marcus retires in c. d. and watches 
her. She is attired as an old maid, with side curls, false 
front, neck ha7idker chief , etc. , and speaks in a shrill voice 
with a quick, rasping manner. Occasionally she forgets 
her character for an instant, and then quickly resumes it. 

Pen. Land sakes ! There ain't nobody here. It's a pretty 
way to welcome me. (Looks about and sees Marcus ; he at- 
tempts to slip away, but she goes up and detains hi?n. As 
they talk, both come doivn.) See here, who be you — the hired 
man ? If you be, what you hanging 'round in here for ? Ain't 



A DOUBLE DECEPTION. I5 

yoii got no work to do ? Where's Mr. Shillingsworth, I'd like to 
know ? 

Mar. {bewildered^. No, I am ?ioi—l don't know. 

Pen. Well, why don't you find out? I can't wait all day. 
It's time he was around, and his wife too, if he's got one. I 
don't know's he has. I never seen such a place, anyhow. 
Nobody seems to know anything. I guess it's a good thing I 
come to take a hand and see to things. 

Mar. {aside). It must be a new housekeeper. 

Pen. Here I arrived 'most an hour ago and I ain't had a 
mouthful to eat nor any attention paid to me. It's a pretty 
way to treat me, I must say. 

Mar. Are you the new housekeeper, madam ? 

Pen. Housekeeper ! I should hope not, though I must say 
they need one. And I ain't ''Madam," either, if you please. 
I'm Miss, and always will be. I'd like to see myself marrying 
a man. I guess not ! 

Mar. Oh, excuse me. I didn't know. 

Pen. Well, you ain't to blame for what you don't know. 
I'll tell you now, before we go any further, that I am Miss 
Penelope Shadrach and Archibald Shillingsworth's aunt on his 
mother's side, from Michigan, and come to live with him, and 
it's a good thing I have, for I can see plain enough how things 
are going here, and that's every which way. 

Mar. {ivho has beeii overcome with surprise, ?iow gasps out). 
D-do you mean to say that you are — you — you are Archi- 
bald — Mr. Shillingsworth's Aunt Penelope — Shadrach ? 

Pen. Of course I am, and why not ? 

Mar. Why, he told me that you 

Pen. Well, that I what ? 

Mar. Was — that is, he said — that you — were coming to- 
day. 

Pen. Well, and I have come, but they don't seem very glad 
to see me. Why ain't his wife here, and where is he ? I call 
it a nice way to treat his loving aunt, who has been good enough 
to come and live with them and see to things, and show them 
how to manage. 

{She is walking about, examiimig everything, looking out the 
different doors, etc. ) 

Mar. Yes, of course. It's very kind of you. 

Pen. Of course it is. I never think of myself. I am one 



l6 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 

who believes in sacrificing myself for others. I mean to take 
right hold here and run this house as it ought to be run. 

]\Iar. Y-yes, I see. If you will excuse me, I will go 
now. I — I may be able to find your nephew and send him to 
you. 

Pen. Well, I wish you would, and don't be too long about 
it, either. 

Mar. N-no, madam — I mean Miss — I won't. 

\^IIe exits hurriedly, c. to r. 

Pen. Oh, dear ! I'll bet it's that Mr. Dill Archibald spoke 
about. What must he think of me? It's dreadful, I know, 
but when I go into a thing I believe in carrying it through. I 
am sure he will excuse me, w^hen it is all explained to him 
later. {She casually looks off R.) I declare, there comes — it 
must be x-lrchibald's wife. It is, I am sure. Now for it. 

(Penelope retires to back of stage and Lucilla does 7iot see 
her as she e?iters R.) 

Luc. I couldn't find Archibald anywhere. Dear me, where 
could he have gone ? 

Pen. {coming down'). Good-morning. Are you Mrs. Shil- 
lings worth ? 

Luc. {starting and lookiyig at Penelope />z surprise). Yes, 
I am. Did you wish to see me? 

Pen. I did and I do. I've waited for you goodness knows 
how long. I am your Aunt Penelope Shadrach. 

Luc. You ! You are Aunt — Penelope — Shadrach ? 

Pen. Of course I am. Didn't I just say I was? {Extend- 
i?ig her hand stiffly.) How do you do, my dear niece? 

Luc. {taking her hand in a dazed ma?mer). How do — you 
—do? 

Pen. You may kiss me, my dear. {Presents her cheek, 
which Lucilla kisses coldly.) Land ! do you call that a kiss? 
It's more like rubbing my cheek against an iron lamppost. 
Where you been all this time ? There wa'n't nobody to meet 
me, nor anything. Didn't you know I was coming? 

Luc. N-not until — not quite so soon. You took us some- 
what by surprise. 

Pen. It looks that way. I ain't had a thing to eat nor 
anything else. That housekeeper of yours doesn't know her 
business, I can see that. It's a good thing I've come to take 
things out of her hands and run them as they ought to be run. 
You and Archibald can be thankful I could come to you just 



A DOUBLE DFXEPTION. \*] 

when you needed me most, and show you how to keep house 
and be saving. I see plain enough that there ain't no head 
nor tail to anything here. I've come just in the nick of time. 
(LuciLLA is about to speak.) There ! you needn't try to thank 
me. I know you are grateful for the blessing of my presence, 
and I promise never to leave you again. 1 see my duty, and 
when I do, I ain't one to shirk it. 

Luc. {who is almost speechless with surprise and indigna- 
tion, now speaks, falteringly). But, Aunt Penelope, you are 
mistaken ; things are not that way here. Mrs. Bunn is very 
capable and gives entire satisfaction. 

Pen. Don't talk to me ! Don't you suppose Pve got eyes 
and ears and common sense? Can't I tell just h.ow this house 
is run, without being in it more than an hour, if I have that ? 
I guess you can't tell me anything about it. If you want me 
to stay here, you will have to let me superintend things and 
save you from financial ruin and matrimonial unhappiness. 

Luc. But 

Pen. Now, don't try to tell me how glad you are, my dear 
Lucilla. I know all about it. I am going into the kitchen 
now, and show that housekeepei^ of yours a few things about 
cooking. She's the most wasteful thing I ever saw. I will be 
back again soon, my dear. {Aside, as she exits l.) I guess 
I have given her enough for the first dose. 

Luc. {looking after her a moment in dazed silence). 
O-o-oh f So that is our Aunt Penelope Shadrach ! She is 
worse than her name — worse than I ever imagined she could 
be. But she needn't think I am going to be run over and 
bossed around like that. No, indeed ! I'll show her. The 
idea of her coming here and putting herself ahead like that ! 
Why, you would think she owned the v/hole place and every- 
body in it. But what can I do? I suppose we can't turn her 
out of doors, and — oh, dear, it's dreadful ! I can't stand it ! 
I won't ! I'll find Archibald and tell him that he must choose 
between her and me. \_Exits r., weeping. 

Enter c. d. r., Archibald and Marcus, talking excitedly. 
They come down, expostulating ivith each other. 

Arch. You must be crazy, Dill. What do you mean by 
speaking of my Aunt Penelope in that way? She isn't ugly 
and old and '■ 

Mar. She's forty-eight if she's a minute, and I don't care 



15 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 

if she is your aunt, she isn't pretty and sweet and demure, as 
you insist. I don't believe you have seen her at all. 

Arch. What! Didn't I receive her? Didn't I talk with 
her, right here, just a few minutes ago ? 

Mar. Then you must be color-blind and stone deaf and I 
don't know what all. Why, / saw her, too, and talked with 
her, and 

Arch. And you know more about it than I do, I suppose ? 
Dill, you aren't safe to be at large. Your place is in a lunatic 
asylum. 

Mar. Oh, well, I'm not going to argue with you, but I 
don't see where the joke comes in. 

Arch. Joke? Come, come. Dill, don't pretend to be so 
innocent. If it's a joke, it is of your own making. We'll 
drop it until Aunt Penelope puts in an appearance and then 
see which is right, 

Ejiter Mrs. Bunn, l. 

Mar. All right, I'm agreed. But here's Mrs. Bunn. We 
might ask her. 

Arch. Yes, we will, Mrs. Bunn, you have seen Miss 
Shadrach, haven't you ? 

Mrs. B. Yes, sir, I have seen her. 

Arch. What do you think of her ? 

Mrs. B. Think of her, sir? Why, I think she's a nice 
young lady. 

Mar. Youn^, did you say? 

Mrs. B. W-e-1-1, not so very I But she ain't so old, neither. 

Arch. I should say she wasn't. Now, Mrs. Bunn, you 
describe her to us. 

Mrs. B. I — I'd rather not, if you please, sir. 

Arch. Rather not? The idea ! Just tell us what she looks 
like. Isn't she sweet and pretty? 

Mrs. B. I should call her that, Mr. Shillingsworth. 

Arch. There, Dill, you see ! 

Mar. But, Mrs, Bunn, hasn't she a sour, crabbed look, 
like an old maid ? 

Mrs. B. a — come to think of it, Mr. Dill, I think she has. 

Mar. There, Shillingsworth, you see ! 

Arch. Mrs. Bunn, how can you say such a thing ? You 
know better. Why, Aunt Penelope doesn't look a bit like an 
old maid. Does she? 

Mar. She does too, doesn't she? 



A DOUBLE DECEPTION. I9 

Mrs. r>. Well, I must say that you are both right. I have 
seen her when she did, and I have seen her when she didn't. 
But if you'll excuse me, I mustn't stand here talking. I was 
looking for Mrs. Shillingsworth, to ask her about the dinner, 
and if she isn't here 

Arch. She isn't, and I don't know where she is. Mrs. 
Bunn, I hope you are not losing your senses. 

Mrs. B. I hope not, thank you, sir. Perhaps if I can't 
find Mrs. Shillingsworth, Miss Shadrach wilh give me orders. 
That seems to be in her line. Excuse me, sir. I don't mean 
any disrespect. \_Exit l. 

Mar. {laughing heartily). Well, is it decided ? 

Arch. It's decided that that woman is crazy or else I'm 
what you say — color-blind and everything else. (Looking r.) 
Ah, here conies Lucilla. 

Mar. 1 guess I would better leave you together. 

Arch. Very well ; but don't go too far. We want to 
setde this question about Aunt Penelope. 

Mar. {wJio has gone up c). Oh, I won't be far off, never 
fear. \_Exit c. d. l. 

Arch, (caliing off r.). Lucilla! 

Enter Lucilla, r. 

Luc. Oh, there you are. I have been looking everywhere 
for you. 

Arch. And I have been looking for you. Where have you 
been all this time ? 

Luc. I came back, after a little while, resolved to do my 
duty and receive your Aunt Penelope cordially and make the 
best of it. 

Arch, {putting his arm about her). That's a dear, good, 
sensible little woman. 

Luc. {weeping). But, oh, Archibald, I can't ! 

Arch, (^drawing aivay from her). Can't! What do you 
mean ? 

Luc. Just that. I cannot stand it. She's perfectly awful ! 

Arch. Why, have you seen her? 

Luc. Seen her? 1 should say I had. Oh, Archibald, I 
can't live with her here ! 

Arch. I'm sure I don't know what you mean by that. To 
my mind. Aunt Penelope is one of the mildest, sweetest young 
ladies I ever saw. She couldn't be disjgreeal;!e if she tried. 

Luc. Why, Archibald Shillingsworth ! what are you talk- 



20 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 

ing about? I saw her here not ten minutes ago, and she 
bossed and scolded and took on terribly. She said we didn't 
know how to run this house and it was her duty to stay here 
always and run it for us, and that Mrs. Bunn didn't know her 

business and must be discharged, and Oh, dear, I don't 

know what all! But I — I can't stand it and I won't! So 
there ! You may choose between her and me. 

Arch. Well, I must say I don't know what to make of it. 
You and Marcus Dill must have made up a plot to play a joke 
on me, or something. You seem to have the same opinion of 
Aunt Penelope that he has. Now, own up, dear, aren't you 
joking? 

Luc. I only Avish I were. Goodness knows, I would be 
glad to find it all a joke. But it isn't; it is the awful truth. 

Arch. Wait a minute. I am going to call Dill and see if 
we can't straighten this matter out. 

i^He goes to c. d. and calls " Dill ! " but getting no response, 
goes out to L. LuciLLA goes up and looks after him. Just 
then, Penelope enters l.) 

Pen. Oh, there you are ! I've been looking for you. 1 
want to tell you that I can't do nothing ivith that housekeeper 
of yours. She refuses to obey my orders. 

Luc. {coming dotvii). That is exactly what I wish her to 
do. Mrs. Bunn takes her orders from me ! 

Pen. What's that? Do you mean to say 

Luc. I mean to say, Miss Shadrach, that you are not sup- 
posed to take the affairs of this household into your hands just 
yet. I am still mistress here. 

Pen. And a pretty mistress you are, too. Mebby you 
don't appreciate what I am wiUing to do for you ? You don't, 
I know you don't; but it ain't to be expected. However, I 
shan't let it make a bit of difference. When 1 see my duty 
plainly before me, I strive to do it in spite of all obbtacles. 

Luc. You mistake your duty this time, madam.. Lwill not 
argue with you, but I shall let my husband talk the matter over 
with you. I have nothing further to say at present. 

Pen. Oh, you haven't? Very well, then! I'm'willing. 

Enter Archibald and Marcus, c, just in time to see 
Penelope sail inajestically out l. 

Arch. W-why, who is that ? 

Luc, Who? As if you didn't know, 



A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 21 

Mar. Yes ; as if you didn't know. 

Arch. But I don't know. I never saw that queer speci- 
men of femininity before in my life. 

Luc. Archibald Shillingsworth, what do you mean? 

Mar. Yes, Archibald Shillingsworth, what do you mean? 

Arch. I mean that I want to know who that woman is 
who just sailed out of here. What was she saying to you, 
Lucilla ? 

Luc. No more than I was saying to her, you may be sure. 
I came right out and told her that she couldn't run this place 
quite yet. And she can't, not while I am here. 

Arch. Of course not. What right has she here, anyway? 

Luc. That's what I should like to know. 

Arch. Why didn't you turn her out? 

Luc. Why, I couldn't very well do that, could I ? You 
know you wouldn't like it if I did. If anybody turns her out, 
it must be you. 

Arch. Then I will. We don't want any crazy women 
around here. 

Mar. Oh, she isn't crazy, Shillingsworth. She's what you 
call demure and sweet and pretty and 

Arch. I ? See here, what are you talking about ? 

Mar. She's about eighteen, and all that a charming girl 
can or should be. Ha ! ha ! ha ! 

Arch. Dill, you are constantly giving further evidence of 
being a fit subject for a lunatic asylum. Lucilla, can you see 
any sense in what he says ? 

Luc. I can't see any sense in what you say. You pretend 
you don't know your own aunt 

Arch. My what ? 

Luc. Your Aunt Penelope Shadrach, to be sure. I don't 
see what you mean by saying that wasn't she who was just 
talking to me. 

Arch. What ! That woman ? 

Luc. Why, of course. 

Mar. To be sure. 

Arch. Now you are both crazy. That wasn't my Aunt 
Penelope. *I never saw that woman before. 

Luc. Archibald ! 

Mar. (Jialf aside). Poor fellow ! 

Arch. Well, I have had enough of this. We will summon 
Aunt Penelope and let her decide the question. 

Mar. Yes, that's an excellent plan. 



22 A DOUBLE DECEPTION. 

Luc. Why, yes ; that is the very thing to do. 
(Archibald rijigs bell.) 

Mar. I wonder we didn't think of it before. 

Arch. We can soon tell who is wrong and who is not. 
Somebody is either crazy or trying to play a huge joke. We 
want to see who it is. {Enter Mrs. Bunn, l.) Mrs. Bunn, 
ask Miss Shadrach to come here at once, if she will be so 
kind. 

Mrs. B. Yes, sir. \^Exit l. 

Luc. I don't see how you can call it a joke, Archibald. 
To me it looks very serious. 

Arch. Just don't let's say any more about it. Wait a 
minute. 

{They sta?id in silence ^ availing. Finally Archibald gets 
nervous, walks about, looks out c, then l., etc.) 

Luc. Oh, Archibald, do keep still. You make me nerv- 
ous. 

Arch. I wonder why she doesn't come. 

Luc. I am sure I don't know. 

Mar. She will be here when she does come. Give her 
time. 

Arch, {looking off "l). Ah, here she is. (^;//^r l., Penel- 
ope, attired as at first, or in another becoming dress, ap- 
pearing as her natural self . Akcu\bai.t> takes her hand and 
leads her down c.) Allow me to present my aunt. Miss 
Penelope Shadrach. This, my dear aunt, is my wife; and 
this,' my friend, Mr. Marcus Dill. 

(LuciLLA and Marcus are stricken dumb ivith amazemetit 
and simply stare at Penelope.) 

Pen. (/// a very polite and refined 7nanne?'). I am very glad to 
rrieet you, Lucilla, if I may call you that. {Kisses Lucilla, 
who submits in a beunldered manner.') And you also, Mr. Dill. 
{Boivs to him.) 

Mar. I — I am happy t-to meet you, Miss S-Shad-rach. 

Luc. I — but I don't understand. You are not our Aunt 
Penelope. 

Pen. Oh, yes, I am, my dear. Why do you think I am 
not? 

Luc. Then who is that other woman? 

LofC. 



A DOUBLE DECEPTIOM. 2^ 

Pen. What other woman ? 

Arch. Why, you see, Aunt Peneloi)e, Lucilla and Mr. 
Dill here have gotten it into their heads that you are an old 
maid and cross and sour and everything like that. They in- 
sist that you were here talking to them, and that you were old 
and ugly, with all the disagreeable manners possible. Did you 
ever hear such nonsense ? 

Luc. Why, I sa7£j her. 

Mar. And so did I. 

Arch. See ? They still hold to their delusion. 

Pen. It was no delusion ! 

Arch. What ! 

Luc. What do you mean ? 

Pen. (/^ Lucilla). Will you promise to forgive me, my 
dear, if I tell you ? 

Luc. Forgive you ? For what ? 

Pen. Do you promise ? 

Luc. Y-yes, I promise. 

Pen. And you also, Mr. Dill ? 

Mar. Certainly. I will promise anything you like, if you 
will only solve this mystery. 

Pen. And how about you, Archibald? 

Arch. I don't know what you are talking about, but I am 
agreed. 

Pen. {suddenly assumes the attitude of the old maid and 
speaks 171 the tone which she had formerly used). I don't like 
the way things are run in this house, and Pm going to take 
them into my own hands and run them as they ought to be 

run. It's my duty, and when I see my duty {She has 

been rattling this off, while the others look at her in complete 
amazement. Finally Archibald interrupts her by breaking 
into hearty laughter, in which Marcus joitis him, ivhile 
Lucilla hovers between smiles and tears. To Lucilla.) 
Now do you understand who that other woman was, my dear ? 

Luc. You ! 

Pen. Yes, I. 

Luc. But why — why did you do it ? 

Pen. To show you what you thought I was, what I might 
be, and what I am. Is it plain now? 

Luc. {coolly). I think I understand. 

Pen. And remember, I have your forgiveness. 

Luc. Yes, that is true, you have. It serves me right, too. 
And did Archibald tell you what — what 



NOV 19 1900 

24 A DOUBLE DECEPTIOl^. 

Pen. What you expected me to be? Yes, he did. But 
you aren't going to be angry with him, either; are you? 

Arch. Of course she isn't. The joke is on me as much as 
anybody. 

Mar. I think we ought to congratulate Miss Shadrach on 
her talent as an actress. 

Pen. And / ought to be grateful for such an appreciative 
audience; which I am. {She makes a7i elaborate boiv, while 
the others applaud.^ 

Enter Mrs. Bunn, l. 

Mrs. B. Luncheon is served. 

Arch. Come ! Let us eat, drink and be merry. 

(^Exit Mrs. Bunn, l., followed by the others^ arm in arm 
laughing.) 



CURTAIN. 



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NEW OPERETTAS FOR CHILDREN. A 



I KING COLE. I 

j|? A BURLESQUE OPERETTA IN THREE ACTS. T 

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A\ 

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\ff nCAJUt^ \JI\DLAU\.* I Edmund Gosse. Three male, four female 
^|y ' characters. Price, 50 cents, ^lif 

M/ THE MASTE R BUILDER. | i^a,X"J5^J?-U7A„.?^?^^: M/ 

Sl^ ■ LIAM ARCHER. Four male, three yki 
l' female characters. Price, 50 cents. M^ 

\\f W 



m. J. PARKHILU & CO., BniMTCAS. BOCTAM, U.«.A. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



018 482 091 2 t^ 



